Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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