HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
