I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
