and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
