this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
