This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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