I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize