Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
