I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
