wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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