I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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