Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
