I love black thongs
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
