i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I want her autograph on my taint
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
