I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
