why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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