i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
