Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
