oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
