so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
