i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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