I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
