my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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