I can't breathe out the right side of my face
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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