Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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