I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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