How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
