Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
