mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
