Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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