Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
