I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
