Well douche your snatch and let's go!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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