dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
