He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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