I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
