Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
