Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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