Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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