I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i out mim tonsoeep
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