So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
