He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
