I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
