i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
