my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
