Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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