There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
