All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
