6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
