She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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