I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize