There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you traded sex for a burrito?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
