"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
