sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize