we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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