The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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