I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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