wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
