i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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