Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
