idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
