like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
