My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
