Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I understand Curling. That high.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
