Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
