apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So. Much. Porn.
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