even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
