Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need water and some morals
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
