Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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