Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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