you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
