i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
