And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
