We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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