Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it's like iHOP with fire
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
