You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
