don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
