Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Two words: nipple clamps
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