where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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