dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
