Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
