my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
