Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
